Enter Through The Gift Shops at the Vatican
Plus, "The Waterfront" is deliciously trashy, and fans NEED to calm down.
As regular readers know, I was recently in Italy for my combo honeymoon/50th birthday trip ā I came home and promptly chronicled the bathrooms ā and today Iām finally getting around to writing about the most important aspect of the trip. No, not the art (amazing!) or the wine (amazing!) or the food (amazing!) or our hotels (amazing!) or the joy of traipsing about Europe with my loved one. I speak, of course, of the gift shops. I went into all of them. Every gift shop in Italy! Amazing!
Okay, obviously, that is not true. But Jim and I did duck into every gift shop attached to whatever sight we were seeing or museum we were visiting. The Uffizi gift shop had the best selection of art books. The Vatican Museums gift shop was the most beautiful, and also had the best selection of rosaries, which does make sense. The Academia in Florence had the greatest number of Davidsā¦although honestly you couldnāt throw a spritz in Italy without hitting a David. I canāt even remember where we got our David magnet. It was not an official venue. (Heās neon pink and covered in paint splatters. Just as Michelangelo intended.) We also went into a lot of little shoppy shops aimed at tourists, and I poked around many cheesy souvenir stands. (I love a cheesy souvenir!)

The week we were in Rome was also the same week that Pope Leo performed his first Mass, and ergo it was sadly too soon for me to be able to procure an American Pope bobblehead; I was, however, thrilled to see that everyone is still selling the same Hot Priests calendar theyāve been selling for decades.
And I did buy some wonderfully ridiculous things, including a magnet of a cat dressed as a gondolier.1
But for the purpose of Enter Through the Gift Shop, the regular feature where we dive deep into the best, worst, wackiest and most wonderful wares of the museum gift shops of the world, there can be only one. And ā all things considered ā my personal favorite gift shop was the one at a tiny little place youāve probably never heard of, the Roman Colosseum.
Just kidding. I assume I donāt need to explain the Colosseum to you. Iām not here to history-splain things. It is a tremendous thing to see and it was extremely fun to tour. (I could write a literal epic about the process of trying to get actual tour tickets ā I wanted the ones where you get to go down into the basement ā but will spare you and just say that you will be perfectly okay with any tickets you get for the Colosseum, and you donāt need the tour. I do think you need a tour of the Vatican museums, but those are also easier to get.) And it had a surprisingly brilliant gift shop. Some of the ones we checked out felt like they had the same buyer, buying all the same things. But the Colosseum gift shopās buyer was out there procuring intriguing items I personally found irresistible, including a bunch of t-shirts and totes featuring the cats of the Colosseum, a delightful souvenir for any cat-loving folks on your list, like my sister. Their tees in general were excellent; I also got one for my Dad that said āveni, vidi, viciā on it. They had great pens. They had fantastic bookmarks; I got one that you flex and see the Colosseum as it was in the past, then flex again and see it as a ruin. They had little sculptural gladiator helmets. They had a whole rainbowās worth of magnets of Julius Caesar's head. They had mugs! They had tote bags! They had a library worth of books! And they are NOT ONLINE. You gotta go there in person, apparently!! If you want a bright red Julius Caesar head, better get on that plane!
This is not ideal for my purposes here in this newsletter. But my American pope has come through for me: The Vaticanās gift shop is online. And they have a robust selection, even if the user experience is a bit janky2, and you can order a bust of Julius Caesar there, although sadly not in any brilliant colors. (We got it in bright blue magnet form and it lives next to David and the cat gondolier on the fridge.)
The Vatican Museums gift shop also has an almost six hundred euro chess set, where the āpieces represent architectural elements and unmistakable artifacts of the Vatican Museums.ā Sure! Want a more physical game? You can get a āVatican representative tracksuit,ā and I hope you do.
Naturally, the Vatican gift shop has a lot of Sistine Chapel-related mugs, and an umbrella that also looks like the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel that Iām kinda mad I didnāt buy while I was there. Iām also mad I didnāt smell this official Vatican perfume! (In my defense, we went to the Vatican our first full day in Italy, so I might have been jet-lagged.)
The description calls it āa perfume inspired by the scents present in the Vatican Gardens, an enchanting place embellished and preserved by the successive popes as a conscientious example of respect for nature. Rose and jasmine: the scent of roses, jasmine and boxwood evocative of a stroll through the Vatican Gardens with their flowering arbours.ā This sounds nice, although also I think the translation is imperfect! 3
The Vatican has pens ā I got one like this at the Colosseum, except mine is white and the hanging detail is, you guessed it, the Colosseum. They have beautiful Christmas ornaments. The online shop has but a small portion of the rosaries you could buy in person, which seems like a very thoughtful gift for a Catholic. And the primary gift shop is, in person, as I noted, VERY beautiful:
I MEAN COME ON. That one might be impossible to top. Appropriate, I guess. One perhaps should not even try.
And before I go: Have you been to any delightful gift shops this summer? Please share!
ā Jessica
From the Archives
The Subtle Art of Giving a Fuck
The Summer I Turned Pretty is back this week, and as with any show that has a solid core love triangle, viewers who adore it are worked up about how it might diverge from the books and whether Belly will end up with Conrad or Jeremiah. But unlike a lot of those shows, the official social media accounts just put out a PSA asking for fans to, essentially, be cool and CHILL OUT, hold back on the hate speech, and please try and enjoy the series respectfully as it comes to an end. A plea that should be over the top, but which seems increasingly necessary now that a lot of Internet factions have turned the concept of āfanā into a dirty word.
Fandom itself is not new, obviously. People once wore t-shirts that said āIām a Charlotteā and ran campaigns to beg networks to pick up beloved shows (some of them even worked!). And while I know angry fans have existed forever, it feels like most of this stuff used to work its way out in crabby handwritten letters or emails, or the pages of fan-fics. Sadly, as with everything, the Internet has made it a lot easier to unleash hell and whip it into a frenzy, by taking it out of chat rooms and onto message boards ā I cannot tell you how many Carter/Abby vs. Luka/Abby arguments I poorly moderated in the ER forums, back in my Television Without Pity days ā and now Reddit and social media comment sections. Star Wars hardcores flooded Kelly Marie Tran and Amandla Stenberg (The Acolyte) with racist, sexist animus. God forbid Disney or D.C. hire a nonwhite person to play a role that comic or book readers decided HAD to be canonically Caucasian. Commenters review-bomb episodes of TV with gay content, and while weāre talking about The Last of Us, there were insane numbers of posts on Reddit picking apart Bella Ramsey, a non-binary performer with autism, for their most minute facial expressions captured in screen grabs and for not looking like the video game character ā which in this case all appeared to be code for, āinsufficiently conventionally pretty.ā A few weeks ago, a Reddit thread was so worked up about previews for the third and final season of TSITP that fans of Belly and Jeremiah were rallying to boycott it entirely to show the producers that they simply wonāt tolerate any other ending (donāt hate me, Bellys, Iām sure the other side was doing it too). This means actively denying themselves a show they purport to love, just in case it doesnāt go their way ā a message, by the way, that will fall on especially deaf ears because this is the final season. The show is already over! Itās a fait accompli! Listen, we werenāt all thrilled that Dylan and Brenda broke up, or that he chose Kelly ā but if we had boycotted Beverly Hills, 90210, just out of FEAR of this happening, we would have missed Shannen Doherty saying, āI hate you both NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN,ā and that whole bit where Brenda pretended to be French, and Kelly getting hooked on diet pills and collapsing at her birthday party while Steve and Brandon went on a game show. And I know those college years were terrible but Iām not sorry I saw Kelly get caught in that house fire or become addicted to cocaine, and Iām sure Donna also did some horrible things that I would have missed.4 Would I have been profoundly offended on behalf of womankind if Joey Potter had ended up with Dawson Leery? Yes! Would I have posted a death threat on a Dawsonās Creek message board threatening Kevin Williamson and/or other fans about it? Oh my God, NO, who does that, and yet this is what Lola Tung (Belly) felt compelled to say the other day:
āI think we see with a lot of these love-triangle stories, people want the leading girl to end up with someone,ā she acknowledged. āWhen people have an attachment to the characters, they want to see it come together at the end. Iām so grateful that they care so much, but people get a little scary about it.ā
She made a heartfelt plea: āPlease donāt threaten to kill someone if something doesnāt go your way. I promise you, itās not that serious. Jenny [Han] is so smart and she cares so much about the story and making it the best story that it can be. It will be okay.ā
Love Island USA ran into this, too. This is a reality show about hooking up, but which has a cash prize, so thereās always going to be an element of wanting to couple up with someone who will get you to the cash just as much as to the brink of orgasm. But this season, fans of certain couples hurled vitriol at others over accusations of faking it, of ulterior motives, of playing the game WHEN THE WHOLE SHOW IS A GAME. Supporters of one person would gang up on their perceived opponents and flood their accounts with hate. If a favorite got booted from the island, the ensuing pile-on frequently caused the friends and family running contestantsā Instagram accounts to close comments entirely. Host Ariana Madix pleaded with viewers multiple times to cut out the toxicity, which only ended up attracting more of it to HER account. One islander, who got busted for using a racist slur a few times in her past, filmed a video apology that included asking people to stop calling ICE on her family.
I realize this is coming from a person who writes thousands of words about And Just Like That, a show I do not enjoy, but which I profoundly enjoy not enjoying. Those recaps include a lot of all-caps rants, mostly for effect and not because my actual spleen is about to come out my ears ā and crucially, I am not writing those words in Sarah Jessica Parkerās comment section, or threatening Cynthia Nixon. And while many of us here were, for example, disappointed in the direction of Ted Lassoās final season, I cannot imagine threatening the writers with DEATH over what they did to Keeley, or screaming at Jason Sudeikis on social media for not making Ted and Rebecca ride each other into the sunset. And my god, yes, I am SEATED for Love Island, come hell or high Fijian water, but I am not hunting down Hudaās daughterās father on social media and attacking her parenting. Or calling FREAKING ICE on somebodyās family, no matter what they said, or how long you had to wait for an explanation/apology/accountability video because they were sequestered in Fiji.
What makes people fall off that cliff? Where and how does liking a TV show, or a movie, or a comic book, curdle into active hatred of everyone with an alternative opinion, or of the creators who might have a different direction in mind than the one you demand? If I had an answer, Iād be rich from bottling it. Dealing with it on a societal level is bad enough, but how does one get to where they cannot kick back and bliss out to Dancing With The Stars without posting racist remarks in Jenn Tranās comment section? Or bully ārivalā fandoms online to the point where poor Lola Tung is begging people not to threaten murder? Why canāt they invest GENTLY in things they think are great? People have forgotten the art of simply liking stuff ā or disliking it, as the case may be. You can like Taylor Swiftās music without shit-posting about Joe Alwyn, or plotting vengeance against her perceived enemies. And you can dislike Taylor Swiftās music without tracking her private jet usage, or analyzing whether her body language suggests she voted for Donald Trump.
I donāt have an answer ā if I did, Iād use it to keep people from falling off rather a LOT of cliffs right now ā but it just felt like we hit another choke point of issue after issue after issue with this. Iām not saying people shouldnāt have passion, but death threats?!? That shit ruins the thing that was so beloved in the first place, for you AND for everyone else and ESPECIALLY for the person whose death is being threatened. Donāt you want to still love it? We should be figuring out how to be better people on the Internet than when we started, not worse; it makes me resolve to be ever more aware of the thin line between critique and haterade and how to stay on the healthier side of it. Perhaps it comes down to living by the sacred text: āYou take the good, you take the bad, you take āem both, and there you have the facts of life.ā Accept that sometimes a small thing like a soap opera love triangle or a viewer vote might not go your way, and appreciate the art around it ā and Iām sorry, but Hudaās and Chrisās last date on Love Island, a breakup set to a LIVE PERFORMANCE of āMoon Riverā that segued into a cover and ended with the dumper asking the dumpee (who wanted to be dumped) to carry her away and him gently refusing, WAS THE HIGHEST OF ART. We all need these sweet escapes into other peopleās problems, without adding to their problems ourselves; if we canāt relax into TV and books and movies without wanting to MURDER, then whatās left?!?
In other words, if you ever see me firing off rage notes on Bluesky to Michael Patrick King, please take away my keyboard and send me to Internet rehab.
ā Heather
This Was Supposed to Be in Last Call But I Had a Lot to Say
I was on the Extra Hot Great podcast a few weeks ago to discuss the Kevin Williamson Netflix drama, The Waterfront, which I recommended with caveats ā primarily that I thought it was watchable but not good. Jim and I are like⦠six?? Maybe??⦠episodes in now, and it continues to be hugely watchable if not good at all. Spoilers ahead: Topher Grace is a HOOT as an incredibly congenial drug kingpin; Maria Bello has a great tan and really good gold accessories; one of the main characters5 is so dumb I can barely stand it (I donāt think itās intentional!); and in the episode we just watched, an annoying teen got (accidentally) shot by Topher Grace and then later in the parking lot of the hospital Topher Grace got laid out by a RIDICULOUS round-house kick from a bartender who is also the illegitimate son (MAYBE? I donāt buy it) of the grouchiest drug dealer/fishery owner/restauranteur in North Carolina. Dave Annable is there and sometimes seems like he canāt talk around his veneers. (He is still hot.) At least two people are or were addicted to heroin. And almost everyone on it used to be on a CW soap that you accidentally saw several episodes of without ever intentionally meaning to watch. Itās bad but also every single episode ends with an irresistible cliffhanger. Like, the last episode we watched ended with Topher Grace pouring LIVE MAN-O-WARS all over the grouchiest drug dealer/fishery owner/restauranteur in North Carolina as payback for⦠well, a lot of stuff. (All these people should have been way nicer to Topher Grace!! He has all the leverage here and youāre about to lose all your land and businesses! BE NICE to the drug kingpin who is paying you to run his drugs!? Where have you been!!!!) Anyway, I pray to God it gets renewed.
ā Jessica
ICYMIā¦
Last Call
ā You may recall that we dove into Jennifer Anistonās rumored new romance with a āhunky guru.ā Well, Page Six has been doing some research and⦠some of this is a bit yikes. Not massive yikes, but certainly a mild yikes. On the other hand, who are we to stand in the way of Jennifer Aniston having a summer fling with a man who once gave a TED talk called āThe Cosmic Algorithm: Deciphering the Signsā? YOLO. ā J
ā Reese Witherspoon is still dating her German finance bro, if you were curious. Remember when we thought she might be dating Tom Brady? ā H
ā Life moves pretty fast: For a while people thought Tom Brady was dating Sofia Vergara, because Page Six reported he asked to be seated next to her on some moronic star-studded superyacht party. The Daily Mail responded as only The Daily Mail can, with a sensitive piece of thoughtful journalism headlined, āTom Brady thinks Sofia Vergara is 'too OLD': Friends tell all the mortifying details as 'summer romance' collapses.ā His rep ran to People: āTom never said, nor would he ever say, anything like this.ā And now SheKnows is re-reporting a scoop that Sofia is in fact with some random businessman in Ibiza. The romance of the year is over before it began. ā H
ā OMG, Stevie Wonder really felt compelled to address the conspiracy that heās not really blind?!? Leave Stevie ALONE. ā H
ā And, finally, in the interest of tooting our own horn, this weekās episode of The Gilded Age was a banger and tomorrowās recap will hopefully also be fun. If you want to join usā¦
We also bought a (not ridiculous!) watercolor from an artist in front of the Florence Duomo.
I am sorry, God!!! But you should not have to click into a new page to read a product description and then click back to the product page to buy it!
One of you did give me really great advice to buy perfume while we were gone, so that every time I wore it ever after, I would think about my honeymoon, and I did do that! I bought this at Santa Maria Novella.
For example, several of her college-era hairstyles. - J
Who is also doing a distracting Josh Jackson imitation; WE KNOW who you wrote this for, Kevin Williamson!
Omg subscribing to your newsletter is probably the best thing Iāve done all year.
My very favorite gift shop is actually the one on the ROOF of the Vatican. To climb the dome of St. Peter's you can take an elevator to the roof before you do the climb. On that roof is a TINY gift shop, mostly filled with rosaries, saint cards, and holy water. And staffed by nuns. It was very charming and not tacky, and I loved telling people that the rosaries I had gotten them came from the roof of St. Peter's.