Break-Ups and Gift Bags!

What better way to ring in a new year?

Happy New Year, Broads! We hope you spent the last ten days or so in a cookie-fueled fugue state watching football or old movies or new movies, or going hiking or cleaning your closet or doing whatever you needed to properly zone out before this new year broke. Perhaps you were away from your computer and only used your phone for Tetris marathons! Maybe you scurried off to Hawaii for the break and spent the entire time comparing and contrasting poolside mai tais. Possibly you retreated to a mountain cabin without cell service and solved a murder. What I’m saying is: You might have missed this year’s Holiday Season Celebrity Divorce News Dump due to personal life choices, and we are here to catch you up.

1. Mariah Carey split from Bryan Tanaka, her backup dancer/choreographer boyfriend of seven years (!!), whom I not previously heard of, through no fault of anyone but my own. (It probably speaks well of him that his name did not infiltrate my consciousness.)¹  This seems very amicable; s…