The Eurovision Grand Final Live Chat

Bring an espresso macchiato.

Welcome in, fans of bombastic pop; it’s time to drink in the spectacle of the Eurovision Grand Final, where the fire cannons burn hot — but never as often as I like — and the most entertaining performance rarely brings it home. Cases in point, from the last decade or so:

And this year, we lost out on Milkshake Man, Australia’s entry who didn’t make it because APPARENTLY Eurovision voters HATE FUN. He managed to work both flavors and “lactose-free” into his song, and at one point went into a giant blender and emerged in a new outfit. AND they ripped off this shirt. Yes, my reaction was, “Is Australia trying to get expelled,” but that’s exactly why they should have gone forward.

TWELVE POINTS. HOW DARE YOU, Europe. I will never forgive any of you.

Last year, 163 million people reportedly watched Switzerland win in Sweden, and this year, it’s entirely possible we’ll watch Sweden win in Switzerland. The Swedes always rate quite well, but this year — presumably to avoid having to host it again so soon — they leaned into silliness that ended up being very charming. I’ve been saying, “SAUUUNAAAAA,” to myself all week.

The Grand Final starts at noon Pacific time and will run into the evening. I’m streaming it on https://www.svtplay.se/ because that’s worked very nicely, but it’s also allegedly on Peacock; if you don’t want to subscribe to the latter, try the former. Here is the run of show: