Colin and Penelope Get a Proper Sex Scene

On a chaise!

As I recap this, Gentle Reader, I am also watching the other most romantic TV show of the modern age: Love Island USA. The Lady Whistledown of Love Island, Iain Sterling, narrates the journey of eligible singles who, much like in Regency times, are putting themselves on the marriage mart — and much like in Regency times, supervise each other’s one-on-one conversations, couple up hastily, and say things like, “My friends would say my type is a fucking douchebag,” or, “I love a man who’s tatted like a Chipotle bag,” while a song playing in the background says, “H-O-T-T-O-G-O, you can take me hot to go.” I would be excited to see how Cressida Cowper would do at sailing down a greased tongue slide and then spitting a drink into someone else’s mouth. I made that up, but… I mean, barely. And you KNOW Benedict would be all over that villa.

One point of strain for me: The episode picks up exactly where we left off, with Pen and Colin returning from the ball and about to announce their engageme…