Winter Olympics, Day 1: Opening Ceremony
Our open chats are BACK!
Welcome, Broads, to the XXV Winter Olympic Games, a.k.a Milano Cortina 2026 — the first Olympics to be co-hosted by two cities and very likely the first one ever to begin with the following headline: “Olympic Officials Investigating Claim Ski Jumpers Are Injecting Acid Into Their Penises at 2026 Games.” Apparently it’s hyaluronic acid — Eva Longoria will be so glad she taught us all how to say it in those old L’Oreal ads — and it can, um, plump your junk: “The bigger the penis, the bigger the body suit, and any added size, particularly in the crotch area, can increase drag and lengthen an athlete’s jump by up to six meters.” They’ve already gotten in trouble for stuffing socks in there. This is so much worse!
In addition to penis content, we’ll get loads of delightful Italian b-roll and so many death-defying events. As we did with the Summer Olympics, we’re going to be hosting open threads every single day of this Olympics as a perk for paid subscribers. If you need someone to virtually clutch as the figure skaters get after it, or Lindsey Vonn takes to the slopes WITHOUT AN ACL (!!??), or the curling gets intense — we are here for you. It’s VERY fun, and we’d love to have you, so please dive in. (Additionally, paid subscribers get the final Heated Rivalry recaps, a book discussion about the sequel, forthcoming Bridgerton season 4 coverage, eventual Ted Lasso season 4 coverage when that hits in June, and the upcoming awards season live chats, so this is a very good time to join us behind the paywall.)
Today’s events:
The biggie, obviously, is the Opening Ceremony, which kicks off at 11 a.m. PT/2 p.m. ET on NBC and Peacock. (It will also be rebroadcast for the primetime audience at 8 p.m.) Will the Italians do anything that makes people clutch their pearls the way the French did? We’ll find out! (Apparently, Mariah Carey is on the schedule, and we can look forward to a salute to Giorgio Armani.) Our hosts will be Terry Gannon and Mary Carillo, who has stepped in at the last minute for poor Savannah Guthrie, who will no longer be heading to Italy in the wake of her mother’s horrific kidnapping. (God, poor Savannah, this is just terrible.) Noted geography enthusiast Shaun White will be helping out for the Parade of Nations. Usual host Mike Tirico is staying stateside until after the Super Bowl on Sunday; there are A LOT of sports happening this weekend. (That Sunday chat is going to be all over the place.)